UNSENT

Hi. For some odd reason, you have been crossing my mind– a lot lately. I don’t even know why. Strange isn’t it? It’s been 2 years, I think? Since I ended it. What we had before was quite amazing. I know you made me happy. Yes, I like you a lot (before) but it was not love, that I am sure of– well for me, at least. It’s just strange because lately I see you everywhere. I think of you to some songs that I listen to, I see you at the people I come across everyday. I even see you in my dreams often and there are nights where you cross my mind before I go to sleep. I can’t even find the right words to use to be able to explain what this is. It’s weird and very strange. So I asked myself, do I miss you? Well, maybe? Do I want you back in my life? No, I don’t. We shared a lot of happy memories but I don’t think I want any of them back. So I’ve been wondering… why do I keep on thinking about you? Karma ko na ba to? For dumping you before? For hurting you– just like that. If yes, then hindi ako magrereklamo. I know that I’ve done things before that have hurt your feelings that’s why maybe I deserve this. But I know that you have probably moved on. It has been long ago since I ended whatever was between us. I know that we haven’t talked since then. That’s why I want you to know that I am sorry. Up until now I still don’t know as to why I’ve done the things I did before. Maybe deep down, there’s a little tiny regret in my heart because I ended it that way– in the most unexpected, worst way. But I don’t regret that I ended it. I knew I wasn’t ready for such things and I’m just gonna hurt you further if we go on. I want you to know that there was nothing wrong with you, because it was me. Akala ko kaya ko. Alam ko naman na wala ng  bearing ‘to– because the damage has been done. But, still. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that I have hurt you before. It makes me sad because I lost a very good friend and I know that even though in the near future we get to patch things up, things will never be the same. Things will never go back to the way they once were. But I guess it’s better off that way. I hope you’re okay and I wish you well, kiddo.

THINGS THAT CROSS MY MIND A LOT LATELY

1. What. Am. I. Doing. With. My. Life. Seriously have no idea about what I’m doing with my life right now. Like, literally.

2. How to be productive. Well fortunately, though I haven’t been doing much (school) works for the past days, di pa naman siya nagppile up… but I know that it soon will. Kilos kilos din, Giorgetta!

3. My long overdue date with my best friend Irah. It’s been months since we last saw each other. I’ve been wanting to see her & talk to her– since she’s the only person on the planet that I could absolutely talk to about anything.

4. I want to make-over my whole life. I wanna buy new clothes, be able to sleep early, eat healthy, exercise, etc. I wanna reinvent myself (ganoin?!). I’m at the point of my life where I wanna re-do everything and start over.

5. What does it feel like to have a ‘special someone’? I don’t usually think about this but for some odd reason, I have been thinking about it (a lot) lately. Ano ba feeling? Basta parang for the past days I’ve been craving for love and attention. Not sure if I want a “boyfriend” or just someone that I could constantly talk to everyday about my thoughts. Hay nako, baka dala lang ‘to ng stress.. haha!

6. James Reid & Nadine Lustre. Haha lol jadine die hard fan ba? Well not really. I’m just quite surprised that they’re finally officially together! I really thought they’re just friends. But happy for them, though. 🙂

7. Food cravings. Been dying to have iced coffee/frappe & choco dipped doughnut from Starbucks!!!

8. When is it all gonna get better? When when when?

9. I wanna buy books! I wanna lay low on my Social Media life and do something else new– which is to read books. Plus, I wanna widen my vocabulary because in all honesty, I’ve been having quite a hard time when it comes to putting my thoughts into words. Not gonna lie, I still suck at it.

10. Can this term just end already? So sick & tired of all the school bs.

11. What to blog. What to blog. Ang hirap kapag uneventful ang life, walang ma-share! Hay. Boooooring.

AGAIN & AGAIN

She wants something to keep her going.
Something that she could look forward to.
Or maybe an assurance, you know.
That somewhere down of it all, it’ll all be worthwhile
She’s desperately seeking for that tiny hole where she could look through
and see if by any chance, everything would all make sense in the end
She wants to know if everything would soon turn out well
She’s harnessing hope– however little there may be
and trusting that things can get better in the end no matter what
Yes, she’s so drunk on the idea that everything would surely fall into place
And she hopes it does because she’s tired
She’s so damn tired about everything that has been happening lately
Her monotonous, boring & uneventful life, she’s pretty sick about all of it
The same things keep on happening everyday– nothing new.
Same old, same old.
She wants something else
She wants to be on the pursuit of something that’d set her soul on fire.
Something that she might enjoy
Something that she might be REALLY happy about
Something that she could hope for– and could really count on it
Not just something that would give the false hopes of “happiness” when in reality
all it ever does is break her & make her feel terrible about herself

Inconsiderate

Can i just vent out my annoyance over professors that are very very veryyyy inconsiderate. I don’t really care about all these foundation week whatsoever shits but it would be really really REALLY nice if professors would inform or at least give a short notice if they would be able to make it to class or not. I know that they’re all busy with all these programs about the foundation week (which I don’t really care about) but a simple post or an announcement would be very much appreciated. I mean it won’t take them hours to type “Hey class I’m kind of busy with some stuff so I can’t meet you today, you no longer have to go to class.” and post it on the facebook group or Blackboard. I mean how hard could that be?!?!!? It’s already worse that the only class that I have today starts at 4 in the afternoon but what makes it worst is that I came all the way from south, I am at least 2 goddamn hours away from school and then all of a sudden… oh the professor decides not to show up. Woo yay free cut i’m so happy i could jump on a unicorn *note the sarcasm*. I really think that professors should be MORE CONSIDERATE about the students because just in case they don’t know (if you’re a professor/teacher and you happen to be reading this, I just want you to know that…) we also have stuff to do and you guys aren’t the only people on the planet that has errands or deadlines or stuff to do or a life…. because we (speaking on behalf of the students) have a life too. And we don’t like wasting our precious time as much as you hate wasting yours. Thank you very much.

WEEK 1

So my first week of school officially ends today… hmm what can I say? It was 50% okay and 50% not okay. I have Saturday classes!!!! *sobs* OH IT SUCKS BIG TIME! I have not had Saturday classes over the past three terms so this is gonna take a loooot of getting used to. But looking on the bright side, I can say that I’m still lucky about my professors– 7 terms in and still no LEADSZ prof for me, yay! (For your information, LEADSZ happen to be the initials of the “terror” Mathematics professors at my school) I also met my other professors and I think I’m okay with all of them. But why do I ALWAYS get the ‘not so good’ classmates? Like seriously, I don’t like most of them. And by most, I meant like 97% of them. I tend to notice everything about them and I can’t help but say not-so-good things. I’m just plainly annoyed by their presence, I don’t know. Or maybe it’s because I don’t actually wanna be with them.

Well anyway, what I don’t like about college life is the friggin’ seating arrangement. Most professors, especially Math professors don’t usually assign permanent seats or whatever. Which in my case, is both a good and a bad thing. Good thing because I don’t get to seat at the back– which I hate the most. Professors who have seating arrangements usually arrange it alphabetically which makes me always sit at the back since my surname is Tuazon– so yeah, obviously. Also, it means that I get to seat anywhere I want to (I like sitting mostly in front so that I could see & hear whatever it is that my prof has to write or say). Bad thing because there is NO ASSIGNED SEAT. So it means that anyone could actually take my seat and I don’t have the authority to shoo them away since the seat is not officially “mine”.

And then one day I’d just come to class kind of running late then.. poof! someone is already seated at my seat and I’m like…

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WHAT ARE U DOING THERE THAT IS MY SEAT HAVE U NOT SEEN ME SITTING THERE EVER SINCE THAT’S WHY U TOOK IT OR DO I HAVE TO LIKE CARVE MY NAME ON THE CHAIR JUST SO YOU’D KNOW THAT IT IS MY UNASSIGNED ASSIGNED SEAT????? How annoying.

Anyway, my schedule this term kind of sucks. There are days that my classes start at 3 in the afternoon but there are also days that my classes start at 9 in the morning…..

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oh the struggle of getting out of bed…. not a morning person though.

And oh, let’s talk about my six-hour break every Tuesday and Thursday. SIX HOURS. SIX HOURS. Six hours of break is no joke. Sobrang gastos. It’s like you’re hungry every 5 minutes. Paano na ko makakaipon n’yan? Hay ewan. But the good things is at least I have friends to keep me company! But I’d like to think that in the coming weeks this six-hour break would be beneficial to me since I know that this term’s gonna be tough and I really really need to work my a** off. Maybe I could use my free time to study? Weh? Di nga? And one more thing, nakakapagod umuwi ng 6pm gabi-gabi. The thought of having to go home at 6 in the evening itself is already tiring. More tiring because TRAFFIC. FREAKIN TRAFFIC. But not just the traffic. Well basically everything is just freakin tiring. But anyway it’s just sad that it was just the first week of school but I don’t feel like going back anymore. The fact that I already have a shitload of school works to do. OH. MY. GOD.

Going back to my first week experience, wala na. I have to stick with these for the next two and a half months. But you know, I just have to suck it up and accept it… and it’s not like I have a choice or anything.

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Here are some the pictures that would sum up my first week of school… just annoying snapchat selfies lol. (and oh by the way, that guy on the pictures is not my boyfriend)

I just want this term to be a great one. I’ve had enough of those unfortunate, shitty terms that could last me a lifetime. I hope I don’t get to screw this one up again! Trying to motivate myself, though. Push! Achieve! Keri ‘yan!

(((((((positivity)))))))

ALONE TIME

So yesterday was a boring Thursday afternoon for me since I have tons of hours of break time. So I decided to go see a movie just so I could kill time. I went to the mall and decided to watch My Bebe Love. Ewan, sobrang nacurious kasi ako. Tsaka fan ako ng AlDub lol cute nila, eh? Anyway, people have been talking about it. I’ve read good and bad comments from everywhere, so I thought, why not watch it just so I could see for myself? After watching the movie I could say that it was quite okay– well I guess it’s just a matter of perspective. It wasn’t the best but it didn’t suck much either. Some people said that it was corny– well it quite was. Maybe it’s because I was expecting more jokes, funny moments or whatever. It was just the typical romance-comedy movie. The plot & the complication of the story was nothing extraordinary. It was not much. But I’d have to commend Maine Mendoza. For someone who just started out at the business, I could say that she was good. And oh, she was very pretty the entire time. The amount of kilig was fairly good, except the last part (lol). And, opo. Ang gwapo po ni Alden. Yung dimples! My goodness. But it would have been better if he didn’t wear glasses because it made him look quite old. But to sum it all up the movie turned out okay and if you just want a good laugh and the right amount of kilig on the side, watching this movie would be a good idea.

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Yep, I watched the movie all by myself because I’m a grown up like that, lol. Watching a movie alone isn’t so bad after all. I don’t know, but to me sometimes there’s just satisfaction at being alone. Quality time with myself!

10TH OF JANUARY

Last Sunday was filled with great, horrible, bittery-sweet happenings that made my last day of vacation quite eventful and of course fun! I started the day by waking up at around 9 in the morning thinking that we’d be celebrating my grandmother’s birthday at Vikings, MOA because that was actually the original plan. But my grandmother called at around 10 and told us that we’d just be celebrating it at Sambokojin instead, which was nearby. So we went to SM Southmall as soon as we finished everything we had to do. To our surprise, there was no reservation…. and we were the first ones to get there. It was already around 12 I guess? So we were on the waiting list since we’re kind of “late” for lunch that we need to line up. Then minutes after, my grandmother and my uncle’s family showed up. There were A LOT of complaining and shitty stuff that I don’t need to mention about. Well anyway, the buffet restaurant was just serving number 12, while we were in number 33. So they thought of looking for another restaurant just so we could eat already– considering the fact that I have to leave at 1pm since I promised my college friend, Kyla that I’d make time for the cotillion’s practice for her debut since its only weeks away. We looked for restaurants nearby and ALL of them couldn’t even decide where to eat. So it took a LOOOOOOOOOOOT of time. So to cut all the crap out, it was already 1pm. And I ENDED UP EATING FAST FOOD–MCDONALDS TO BE EXACT. Wow, from buffet to fast food real quick. I can never rant enough about how mad and furious and annoyed and pissed I was at that moment– that I ended up crying while ordering at Mcdonald’s. (How great, right?) I was kind of feeling under the weather that day and the heat— oh god the heat. So I was kind of hoping I could eat good food, real food before I go but I ended up with nothing. So I left the mall at around 1:30. With a heavy heart (wow OA).

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3AM HITS

Maybe that was all she needed.
Closure.
It is not much of a big deal but maybe all she ever needed was to see.
That things have really changed.
That they are no longer the way they were before.

And there is nothing she could do about it.

Maybe she has to accept that she never really stood a chance.
She just thought she did.
Maybe she has to admit that it was just her.
None of it was ever real.
It was all illusion.
Maybe it was all just a dream that she made herself believe in.
Maybe she has to realize that it can’t be.
And it will never be.
And by that, maybe, she has to finally let go.

REUNITED

So I went out with some of my high school friends the other day. The original plan was to meet at 4pm (that became 5 and eventually became 6pm) at Starbucks but there were a lot of people DAW (as per Jen & Angelo) so they’ve decided to proceed to Beanleaf instead (jusko umay na umay na ko sa beanleaf)  Anyway medyo tinamad na ko, kasi nga pabago bago yung oras and I’VE BEEN CRAVING FOR STARBUCKS and I was collecting stickers for the planner pero di naman nga kami natuloy don. I was kind of mad because Starbucks was giving away 2 stickers for every single purchase of their drinks. Oh ‘di ba!!!! Sobrang sayang!!!!!!! Well anyway, I came to beanleaf at around 6:45 pm and most of them were already there. It felt nice that I get to see & talk to them again after almost 2 years.

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(L-R) That’s Claire, Ralph, Angelo, Chai, Jen, Lourde and of course, Me!

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