LOST

for once she wants to feel alive again;
she wants to set alarm clocks at night and put it off in the morning
wanting to get up because she really wants to.
not just because she has to.
she wishes to be able to smile again
as she sees the sun the moment she opens her eyes in the morning
because she’s pumped for the new things that would come her way
not to wake up already exhausted
thinking of ways on how to get through the day
without actually stabbing herself to death
always finding her way out of everything
she wants to feel the excitement of wanting to go to school again
because the thought of learning something new
finding out new things
and discovering new possibilities
might bring butterflies in her stomach but sparkles in her eyes too
not just sit there on the corner of the room on her phone
wishing it was already time to go
for she could no longer handle the stress
and anxiety the class has to offer
she hopes to end the day with her mind and heart at peace
satisfied knowing she made it through the day well
going home with a huge smile painted on her face
for she managed to get through it despite everything
not that crooked smile
nor those eyes
that looses its sparkle for she’s about to cry
already worrying the troubles of tomorrow
she’s had enough of the bad days
maybe now it’s time for the good ones
maybe now, she finally deserves the better days
or if not, at least the lesser bad ones
she’s tired of searching for quotes and poems
just to explain all the emotions inside her
trying to find the perfect words and sayings just to make some sense
or at least just to help her to get through all the bad stuff
she was already deaf for there were voices inside her head
most of the time split into two
one wanting to end it all
but the other telling her to not give up just yet
but regardless of all that
all she ever wants now is to cast all her worries away
and believe that even though what’s going on right now may not seem to be okay
things would soon be fine
that even though life lately has been a series of bad days
and an endless cycle of wanting to give up
better days are always coming
that everything will be okay in the end no matter what
waiting for quite a little longer won’t hurt
maybe it isn’t time yet
but that’s okay
because even though everything is falling apart
even though at most times she can no longer handle it
all the pain, all the tears, even though she’s so close to losing it,
she’s not giving up
she can’t. and she won’t.
for she knows that happiness is just around the corner waiting for her
waiting to be found
the clouds of confusion will soon be gone
and all the bad days would pass– that’s for sure
they don’t last forever
her life is a wide road with obstacles and struggles
but it has great days too
all she has to do is to keep on going
because one day she’s gonna wake up and it’ll all be over
she’ll put on that genuine smile on her face
and say “i’m finally okay and i’m happy”
and finally mean it
her eyes will sparkle once more
and she’d be able to smile with her teeth again
for that’s how genuinely happy she is
suddenly it’s all gonna make sense
and she’s gonna look back at this point of her life
and be so thankful that she never gave up
one day she’ll be found– and she’ll never get lost again.

-{G.L.H.T}

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